Life as a Wife of a Bishop

The thoughts and feelings expressed are my own heartfelt thoughts of my new life.  This new life has changed me, hopefully for the better and will continue to do so in years to come.

As we sat in the Stake President's office that Friday evening, I was feeling somewhat anxious.  I had been telling myself that the call from the Stake Executive Secretary was for Tom and not to worry.  However, the weeks prior to this evening I had felt feelings of urgency.  I wondered where those feelings had been coming from and now I knew.

We were invited to sit for a moment in the waiting area and then the Stake President asked for Tom to follow him into the High Council room.  I was then asked to wait for them in the Stake President's office.  My heart was pounding in my ears and I felt the silence sink into my thoughts.

After a few minutes of awkward smiling and short questions, Tom then joined me with the Stake Presidency.  They then discussed the logistics of a ward and talked about how many members were in our stake and wards.  Then out came the question.  Will you support your husband as Bishop of the new Pleasant View 17th Ward.

Little did I know what that exactly meant.  All I know is that Tom had sunk in his chair and his face was pale.  He couldn't sit up, his mouth was dry and he suddenly felt the worlds weight on his shoulders.

The next two weeks for us was torture.  Satan was working very hard on Tom and I could see him winning the battle.  I prayed like never before.  I prayed with all my heart and filled my sheets with tears.  Tom was wondering how in the world he was ever going to be able to finish his schooling, how he would keep up with work and a new calling.  He felt inadequate and unqualified.  Nothing I said was helping.  I knew that the call had come from the Lord and I knew that Tom could do this, but not without the Lord's help.

While we waited for the official sustaining, I didn't dare answer the phone or talk to my family.  I didn't dare mention the new changes that were coming.  I didn't want to let out information that was supposed to be held confidential.

On February 10th there was a special Stake Conference held for the purpose of creating the three new wards in our stake and for the sustaining of the new Bishoprics.  We had reached the climax of the past three weeks and had met as a family in discussing the rolls we would each play for the next five years.  We had to delegate many of the jobs that were once Tom's to the boys and me.  We all needed to step it up and have faith that things would work according to the Lord's plan.

It took me about two months before I would finally talk with anyone.  I mean really talk to someone.  I felt somewhat hesitant to say much because I didn't want to mess up.  I mean mess up, by saying the wrong thing.  I would find myself at times asking Tom too many questions.  He would smile and reply, "I can't tell you that."  I felt out of the loop of things.  My life had changed and things got really busy.  Sometimes, I find myself going into what I call "Survival Mode".  I just keep my head forward and my eyes fixed on the goals ahead and plow through.  Some days are crazier than others.

Tom and I have always been close and we use to share our thoughts and feelings quite often.  Now, there is a gap in our communication.  He isn't ever sure what he can share with me and I don't often share things with him.  For one reason, if it's gossip, I figure either he already knows, or doesn't need to know. However, I have come up with some ways to help me keep improving and to help our relationship to stay strong.

1.  Gossip is bad!!!  If you do hear gossip, it's best to leave the situation.  However, if you can't leave, try to change the subject, or gently remind them that everyone is a Child of God and they are doing their best.  I hear a lot of gossip and that bothers me.

2.  If there are concerns about your children, talk to your husband and decide together the best plan of attack.  Doing it on your own makes it difficult especially when the other spouse doesn't know of the concern.  Work as a team- that is the way that God wants us to work.

3.  Hugs and Kisses and I Love You's are very important!  There have been a few nights when Tom has come home late from the church and I have waited up for him.  Without asking "where have you been?" (you should already know) just hold them and love them and let them hear you say, "I love you."

4.  Develop friendly relationships with those in your ward.  Find out who is expecting and who is in need.  Giving service to others helps you find your place in the ward.

5.  Visit others together.  Just a month ago, Tom and I had the opportunity to visit a sister in our ward who's mother passed away.  I love being with Tom and this was a choice opportunity for me to go with him.

6.  Go to the temple often.  Plan a day and go.  Go often and stay long.  Enjoy the peace of the temple.

7. Get the kids to bed on time so you have time to talk.  Taking time to talk to each other makes a huge difference in a relationship.

8.  Pray!  I love prayers- because they work.  Family and personal prayer are so important.  Take time to really talk with your Heavenly Father.  He will answer your prayers and will bear you up when you need it.

9.  Enjoy the blessings.  There are true blessings that come to those who serve.  Always be mindful of the blessings you are given each day.  Watch for them and be grateful for them.  Share those blessings with the family so they are seeing them as well.  Take time to enjoy what Heavenly Father has given you- especially your family.

10. Be a Missionary.  I love praying for missionary opportunities and finding people we can help or share the gospel with.  This is how we can receive revelation and feel the spirit guiding us.

Heavenly Father has a plan for us.  We are striving to stay on that path that will lead us back to him. I have felt his love for me and watched the blessings pour on our family.  We have been given so much and in return have been asked to serve.  There is no greater joy than what we find in the gospel of Jesus Christ.  We all deserve to be joyful.  Remember, as President Monson said, "The future is as bright as your faith."  I see a bright future before us!